In an attempt to quell my insanity the school decided to ban all scarves from its classrooms permanently. Students were permitted to wear scarves to school and outside during recess, but once indoors the scarves were to stay in our lockers. They never said it but everyone knew it was because I had personally made scarves a hot button issue.

1. I Garnered A Reputation…

I was a really bizarre middle school student. I wasn’t a “bad” student per se. I didn’t break any rules. I wasn’t mean to people. I did all of my homework. I also caused a lot of problems. The kinds of things I was doing were so bizarre, however, that there were no policies in place to help the staff handle my particular brand of trouble making. There was no way of anticipating this kind of behavior from a student and the staff at my school was never quite sure how to handle me.

I think part of the reason I was so ‘unique’ is because that sort of thing had been encouraged at the very peculiar elementary school I had attended. But now I was in the regular old public school system where they like things like ‘structure’ and ‘obedience.’ This was not an easy transition for me. I was leaving behind all my friends in my old school district and attending a much larger, much different school where I didn’t know anyone.

There is an upside to being able to re-create your entire reputation and I took full advantage because I was an absolute attention whore. I thought I was really smart and got my jollies making other people uncomfortable. So I decided I was going to deal with this transition by being really weird and freaking people out. It would be funny for me and I was bound to make friends this way right?!

For example:

I told everyone that I was an alien. I convinced all of my teachers and peers that I truly believed I was an alien. And not just any boring old martian but a “faria-wtchi” (pronounced fair-ee-yah witch-ee) form the planet tageela tapaio (tag-ee-la tap-ay-ee-oh). Never heard of it? No worries, I carried around a very large and detailed book, written by yours truly, with answers to all the questions you could ever possibly have about my planet. There were maps, drawings, information about every species on the planet, every “faria-wtchi” on the planet, my whole imaginary family, and all of my made up friends. You could read about our diet, our infrastructure, our agriculture, our clothes, our customs. Literally everything.

What brought me to planet earth? Part of the curriculum in the public school system back home included the big 4th grade project. We were to travel to earth and live an entire life as a human being. It was required homework. My species was studying the earthlings because they were the least intelligent life-form in the universe and we found them fascinating (My subtle way of letting everyone know I believed I was much smarter than all of them). I would live an entire life as a human being, then I would die, fly back to tageela tapaio, and casually present my findings in class, thus deeming myself worthy to graduate and move on to the 5th grade… This got me all the attention I had ever wanted. I was absolutely freaking people out.

2. I Drew Attention to Myself Using Scarves

I also dressed like an insane person in middle school. In part because I liked the attention and partly because it was comfortable. I pretty much had two main outfits that I would wear. There was the pink sweatpants, with the pink ugg boots, the long sleeve pink t-shit, and the pink poncho… I had the same outfit in baby blue…

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Oh the classic “sweatpant and poncho look.” It was a bad fashion trend that has never existed anywhere but on my tiny 12  year old body.

Then my grandmother taught me how to knit and it all went to hell… From that moment on I spent a lot of time knitting. At home, at school, wherever. So I had a lot of scarves. I would wear these scarves to school. Usually many of them at once. I was known to wear up to 12 scarves at a time to top off my excellent ‘back-to-school’ look. I would wear them around my neck, on my head, draped around my shoulders, or even tied to my legs. So I wasn’t breaking any rules per se… But I was obviously a huge distraction.

3. I Made Scarves Controversial

I impeded learning almost constantly throughout the school day. I was always putting on some act or making a scene of sorts. I would knit during class, and it wasn’t casual knitting, it was a production. I would sit up very straight and make grandiose gestures as I went about my knitting. And the knitting in particular became a big point of contention, as some students felt my knitting needles were “weapons of mass destruction.”

4. I Forced The Administration To Step In

I have a feeling I was a frequent topic of discussion at staff meetings as my poor instructors attempted to grapple with my baffling behavior… I was always being pulled aside and talked to by teachers for ‘being a distraction.’ I feigned ignorance. What do you mean I’m distracting people? I was sitting here quietly knitting… This is simply how people dress on my planet… Would you like to see a diagram?

The funny thing is I would go home and behave normally. My parents had no idea how I acted at school. They just thought I had unfortunate taste in clothing. They never understood why my teachers seemed uneasy around them at parent teacher conferences. I remember always being told that they were “surprised by how normal my parents were.”

Anyway in an attempt to quell my insanity the school decided to ban all scarves from its classrooms permanently. Students were permitted to wear scarves to school and outside during recess, but once indoors the scarves were to stay in our lockers. They never said it but everyone knew it was because I had personally made scarves a hot button issue. It did not solve the me problem. I simply found other ways to garner attention. But I have gone down in history as the girl who got scarves banned from Central…

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