Then the thunder boomed, the lightening flashed, and the rain began to pour down from the sky. Somehow, my life had led to this moment. This moment where I was naked in the rain with hundreds of strangers.
Once upon a time, I learned that The World Naked Bike Ride was an event that existed in the world and that Chicago was one city that participated. Since that moment, this event has been on my bucket list. My roommate is a biker and she is also awesome so this was on her bucket list as well. A few days ago I received a text from her. “The naked ride is tomorrow at 7. Are you free and willing?” Obviously the answer to both of these questions had to be yes.
For those of you who do not know what the world naked bike ride is… It’s and event that takes place in a number of cities around the world, where a bunch of people gather and bike through the city naked. The point is to protest gas and oil consumption and promote green modes of transport like bikes. It fucks up traffic and calls attention to bikers. There are a couple of fabulous slogans, “Less gas, more ass.” and “Nude, not Crude.” There are definitely a few other agendas happening among participants. It’s definitely a body positivity thing. #freethenipple.
I would say that this event was composed of a few social activists and a lot of people who just wanted to be naked. My friends and I decided that we weren’t going to be completely naked. I mean sitting on a bike seat naked can’t be comfortable or sanitary right? And with the way the world is getting with that technology nonsense… Our naked bodies would be all over the internets. I mean we had to go obviously. We would go and be mostly naked. It would be tasteful. Our mothers would definitely approve.
So my roommate, her partner, and I, grabbed our bikes and headed to a park that was the secret meeting place for this event. A woman there gave us directions to the actual meeting place. It’s a bit secretive to prevent cops and creeps from finding out where we are. So we arrive at this industrial fenced in area in downtown Chicago and see tons of naked people gathered. It was like a freakish nudist hideaway in the middle of the city. I felt like I had gone back in time and joined a hippie commune. It was so much crazier than I was expecting. We locked up our bikes and headed down to the madness.
There were so many dicks. Everywhere. I have never seen this many penises in my life. So we joined in and stripped down to our underwear. Because, again, we were not going full naked. I even made these super cute sparkly pink pasties to wear. In addition to the hoards of naked people, were a number of individuals wearing interesting costumes that ranged from painted on shorts, to mesh body suits, to assless man panties. I was personally a fan of the greek gods handing out grapes. It was the weirdest place I have probably ever been in my life. It was a little bit uncomfortable at first but then you start making naked friends and you get used to it pretty quickly. You even begin to forget that you are naked because everyone else is just as vulnerable. Then the thunder boomed, the lightening flashed, and the rain began to pour down from the sky. Somehow, my life had led to this moment. This moment where I was naked in the rain with hundreds of strangers.
After about an hour of meeting people and a quick speech about the rules, we were ready to hop on our bikes and go. At this point, my friends and I gave into peer pressure and stripped down to our birthday suits.
It went a little something like this:
“I am kind of considering just throwing caution to the wind and going for it.”
“I mean, how often do you have this kind of opportunity.”
“and who actually cares??”
“Yeah, I guess.. I mean if you do it, i’ll do it.”
“Ok, so this is happening? I guess this is happening.”
“We are doing it, this is our lives now.”
“We are so naked.”
We literally wore nothing but our shoes as the ride began. It was incredibly liberating. We simply had to do it. It is definitely illegal to be naked in public in Chicago. But the police cannot arrest hundreds of people on bikes. Also this event is pretty well planned and the cops are in on it. The CPD was actually great and helped us out so that nobody got taken out by cars. So to the guy who shouted, “What a bunch of idiots, they’re all going to get arrested!” You are wrong. Literally nobody got arrested or even reprimanded by a cop. This is probably the only way you can get away with being naked on a bike in downtown Chicago, so if it’s something you want to do, this is the place to be.
All of a sudden we were leaving the parking lot and biking down onto the busy main streets of downtown Chicago. Biking in downtown Chicago is generally amazing because the skyline is gorgeous. But doing it naked has to be even better. We biked all the way through downtown and then headed up north past all the busy bars where many folks were out watching the blackhawks game.
I learned some things about people while I was biking naked through the city. There are two human reactions to public nudity. Only two. They are both extreme and there is no in between. There is either sheer joy, or abject horror. Many people cheered us on and gave bikers high fives. Others looked away, shaking their heads in extreme disapproval. I for one did not care. I was having the time of my life.
This event combined all of my great loves. Being naked, biking, and being the center of attention.
Some people were shocked to see a hoard of nudists biking down Michigan Avenue, but those people were probably tourists. One mother shielded her 12 year old son’s eyes from my tits specifically as she gasped. What did you expect lady? That you could take your family out shopping without seeing hundreds of penises and loads of breasts flying past your face? Not a chance.
Most people held out their phones taking photos and videos because that is the world we live in. I am certain that the photos that were taken increased the number of people who saw me naked from a few hundred to a few thousand. But we all smiled and waved and cheered. It was fantastic and I have no regrets, though I will not be sharing nudes in this post beyond the cover photo.
My roommates and I intended to be more naked together this year… because if you live with people for two years you should be comfortable being naked in your home. We absolutely accomplished this goal. There are so many pictures of my naked roommates on my phone. We ended up ducking out of the ride a little early because it was a three hour affair in the rain and cold and I am not that hardcore of a biker. We dawned our sopping wet clothing and rode home feeling exhilarated and empowered. I am so proud to have knocked this item off my bucket list and it’s definitely something I would do again. My only concern is that my tits will end up all over the internet. My ass did make the Facebook page already, but we will see!
Thanks mom for giving life to the beautiful body that I was able to share with the City if Chicago last night!