More Goat Problems

I have always really loved goats. A lot. Perhaps, because I spent many summer’s in Door County when I was growing up. Anyone who’s been there can tell you about the restaurant with the grass roof and the little goat ladder. The place has freaking goats that climb all over the roof and it’s amazing!!!! Maybe it’s just that feeling you get when you look into a goat’s eyes and are met with that soothing and completely vapid expression.

Then there’s the fainting goats, and the screaming goats, the tree climbing goats, and the video of the screaming goats dubbed over that Taylor Swift song that makes me cry laughing every time I see it no matter how many times I’ve seen it before. Goats are able to bring me endless joy and, God bless them, I love them dearly. Clearly the goat is my spirit animal.

I’ve had my fair share of goat interactions through the years, including some truly picturesque goat moments. Because I am blessed by the goat gods. 

Then I found out that my partner’s friend had purchased a real live actual pet goat! They moved into a  house with a sizeable lawn (that they had no interest in maintaining) and thought to themselves, “well… we could buy a lawnmower…. but perhaps a goat is the most practical solution to this problem.” AND THEY DID.

This was fantastic news for me because as a recently engaged person, I was looking for ways to make my relationship appear sufficiently joyous and unique to the general Facebook population. The people just care a lot about what I’m up to, you know? Clearly I needed to take engagement photos with a goat! And I had easy access to my engagement goat! All I had to do was fly down to Oklahoma and waltz on over to this dude’s house!

I was thrilled. So naturally I bragged to everyone I had ever met. My engagement photos would be epic.. No rolling in leaves, matching sweaters, pumpkins or spice, or Pintrest props for me. Just me, my fiancé, and a beautiful goat.

Unfortunately the goat owner RELEASED MY ENGAGEMENT GOAT INTO THE WILD. Apparently the goat was abusing their pet dog? Nobody had even considered consulting me before this decision was made! Can you believe that? A true injustice!

I had already talked up these goat photos! And I was not about to shortchange the hundreds of people who I knew were sitting at home anxiously awaiting the moment when I would FINALLY post my engagement pictures online! I had to find a solution. So I asked my partner to begin the great goat search of 2015.  I assisted by posting the following ad to craigslist…

Seeking Small Goat or Sheep – $30 (Oklahoma City)

I am getting some engagement photos taken and I am looking for a goat to appear in my photos with me. My engagement goat was released into the wild and it is very important for me to have a goat in my photos. We would only need to rent the goat for an hour or so. We would take very good care of the goat and get it right back to you. Please, any photogenic farm animal helps…

This yielded zero results. But my wonderful partner managed to use his Air Force credentials to convince a petting zoo to let us use their facilities. They said it was one of their most unique requests.

So we bribed someone to be our photographer and finally the time came. I flew to Oklahoma and drove out into the middle of nowhere. Literally the address of this farm does not appear on Google. We showed up and introduced ourselves as ‘those people who had asked for engagement photos with their goats’. Everyone clearly thought we were incredibly bizarre (my fiancé reassured them that it was in fact, only me who was the nut job), but they were very friendly about it.

When I heard we were going to a petting zoo, I pictured small goats. I imagined our photos would turn out something like this…. Thank you Pintrest for reminding me that I am SO not the first person to have a goat themed wedding… Disappointing…

Anyway the goats, in reality, turned out to be MUCH larger than anticipated. Apparently they were show goats? Very reluctant show goats who had absolutely no interest in being dragged out of their comfy dirt piles to come model with some weirdo’s. So we had to bribe the goats too. With food. The second we ran out, the goats too would run for it. It was a truly hysterical struggle to get these goat photos taken. It was about 80% goat wrangling session, 10% photo session, and 10% my crying from laughing too hard.

For Example… We have the “goat photobomb”

  The “No Goats Were Injured In The Taking of this Photo”

The “Don’t Even Asssssk”

And, The “For The Love of God Stand Still”

But even though it was a major struggle, we did manage to get like four entire cute goat pictures. Are we worthy Pintrest???

So we survived the goat fiasco and heard at least 10 conversations that went something like:

Kid: Daddy, what are those people doing with those goats?

Parent: I don’t know, son… It looks like they’re taking some pictures.

Kid: Why?

Parent: I have no idea.

We were absolutely the weirdest people at the petting zoo that day. It was the best. Don’t worry though I had a few other engagement photo sessions. I know you’re all dying to see what my other engagement photo ideas were, because who wouldn’t be jumping on THIS bandwagon???