More Goat Problems

I have always really loved goats. A lot. Perhaps, because I spent many summer’s in Door County when I was growing up. Anyone who’s been there can tell you about the restaurant with the grass roof and the little goat ladder. The place has freaking goats that climb all over the roof and it’s amazing!!!! Maybe it’s just that feeling you get when you look into a goat’s eyes and are met with that soothing and completely vapid expression.

My Civil Union

Have I not told any stories for a month? Oops… I’ve done a million things. Most of them relatively average. WHAT?! I know… Being a grown up is exhausting.

Ummm things I have done…I attended the air and water show in Chicago. It was very crowded,  incredibly hot, rather sandy, and much too loud. I had several adult beverages and drunkenly lamented my deceased dog’s butthole (I didn’t realize until my dog died that the only photo I had of her was of… well…the back and not the front). Perhaps it’s poetic justice that my ass was bitten by a spider at a BBQ the following evening. It could also be entirely unrelated. The results of the formal investigation are still pending.

I guess the most interesting thing I did in recent history was get married. Maybe that’s a story? I didn’t exactly get real married but it was technically more official than my last pretend wedding, as it did involve legally binding paperwork.

The Time Stumbled Into Wonderland

This past weekend was three whole days long thanks to labor day. I never really appreciated labor day until this year, because this year is the first time I have truly been a part of the American workforce. Labor day is fantastic. I literally got paid to not go to work. I realize this is a thing that occasionally happens to most people with full time jobs… but it’s a new thing for me and I find it incredibly bizarre and thrilling.

My roommates and I were headed to brunch (getting paid to go to brunch is amazing) when we bumped into our next door neighbor, whom we have had fairly limited contact with in the past year or so. (The story of our past interaction probably deserves it’s own post as it involves breaking and entering as well as penis cookies) He mentioned that he was hosting a party later and that we were more than welcome to stop by. Cool, we thought as we headed down the street, maybe this will be a good way to get to know our neighbors.

Ten Things That Happen When You Wear Handcuffs In Public

Last weekend, my friend and I decided it would be a great idea to handcuff ourselves together and head out to dinner. Why? I mean, why not!? I own a pair of those novelty fuzzy handcuffs as most people my age do (right??? Back me up here…) and I’ve never used them! What an absolute travesty… So clearly the opportune time was immediately.

Once I tried Standup Comedy

Oh shit. I had said it. The ‘S’ word. I called a room full of white dudes a bunch of sexists. In that moment, without even trying, I had become a member of the feared terrorist group, the feminazis. You take ONE women and gender studies class in college and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

The Time I Lost A Juggling Contest

When you are a theatre major you end up taking some weird classes.You walk away with strange skills that lack practical application and are virtually worthless (monetarily speaking). Don’t get me wrong, I think choosing to major in theatre was absolutely the right choice for me. I am actually working in theatre. Beyond that I certainly use my problem solving and communication skills daily in my ‘real’ job. And maybe I could even find a use for my fantastic Irish dialect if I tried but it would be a stretch.

One skill that has never benefited me and never will, in part because I never mastered it (or even came close) is juggling.

World Naked Bike Ride: Chicago

Then the thunder boomed, the lightening flashed, and the rain began to pour down from the sky. Somehow, my life had led to this moment. This moment where I was naked in the rain with hundreds of strangers.

Weird Shit We All Did In Middle School

Just kidding. I bet you didn’t do any of the weird shit that I did!

Middle school is kind of a joke. Middle school is where you send those awful prepubescent gremlins who are in the most awkward and unpleasant phase of their lives. Give them their own special school to destroy so they don’t bother cute little children or stupid but slightly less awkward teenagers. Nothing you do in middle school matters.  Nobody cares what kind of grades you got or how often you were in detention. Nobody cares what you were like at all. You were stupid. Everyone was terrible. It was the worst.

The Origin of my Animal Problem

In case you hadn’t noticed, I have posted at least 2 stories about times I acquired strange pets without considering the consequences and have promised more.

I have a legitimate animal problem. If I see an creature, I want to care for it. I want it to come home and live with me forever and I start daydreaming about the wonderful life my bizarre animals and I will live together. It occurred to me when writing about my elementary school that there is a pretty obvious explanation for what I have deemed my “animal problem.”